LATEST ARTICLES

Musk’s Twitter audit finds 80% of users are mindless drones

After Elon Musk seemed poised to proceed with his buyout of Twitter, his analysis of the users has allegedly put the deal...

Bette Midler advises blind people to “try seeing”

After the unanimously positive response to her suggestion that women unable to procure baby formula should “try breastfeeding,” life coach Bette Midler...

FDA suggests formula-deprived babies simply “eat cake”

After consistently outlawing the importation of baby formula from Europe, the FDA faced an apparent problem in February when multiple U.S. manufacturers...

CNN sends Alito fruit baskets for boosting ratings out of gutter

After their audience had dwindled down to a total of 14 people–12 of whom were mothers of their network anchors–CNN has finally...

CNN+ and Netflix found in discount bin at Goodwill

Every so often, a thrift store devotee is sure to stumble onto a rare and fascinating find. And one patron of the...

Twitter relieved as billionaires save it from takeover by other billionaire

As safe spaces quickly reached maximum capacity at Twitter headquarters today, employees openly panicked at the growing threat of evil billionaire Elon...

Citizens observe Tax Day with traditional offerings to god of roads

At holy post office sites across the United States, citizens spent this April 18th giving their yearly tithes to the IRS, also...

Musk buys community bulletin boards, allows unmoderated Post-it notes

After failing to secure a takeover of Twitter (followed by attempts at Instagram, TikTok, and finally Myspace), Elon Musk has moved on...

Biden insists existence of son “Hunter” is Russian disinformation

President Joe Biden faced yet another smear campaign from Russian sympathizers this week, as conspiracy theorists spread bizarre rumors that he had...

Biden eliminates hedge clipper manufacturers’ immunity from liability

After discovering that sharp objects were the second-most common murder weapon used in the United States, President Joe Biden has implemented an...