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Panicked aliens unable to leave Earth “hellhole” due to gas prices

Musk’s Twitter audit finds 80% of users are mindless drones

Bette Midler advises blind people to “try seeing”

FDA suggests formula-deprived babies simply “eat cake”

CNN+ and Netflix found in discount bin at Goodwill

Culture

Neil Young releases new album praising Kent State Police

Culture

Marlboro offers free cigarettes to vaccinated customers

Culture

One-time yoga class attendee takes to sofa to critique Olympic gymnast

Culture

Nude Emperor Fauci disputes Rand Paul’s definition of “clothes”

Culture

Poll finds 0% of your friends have changed opinions due to...

Culture

Goya CEO unharmed after protesters hurl bricks of money at company...

Culture

Warner Bros. to Fudd and Sam: “Nobody is taking your guns”

Culture

Paw Patrol officer’s lurid history includes public urination, leg molestation

Culture

Encouraging study shows toilet paper jokes finally on the decline

Culture

Emergency task force to rename all diseases CNN suddenly deems offensive

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  • Fear grips Federal Reserve as ink supply dries up
  • Records show Rand Paul is sole senator to have passed economics
  • Panicked aliens unable to leave Earth “hellhole” due to gas prices
  • Musk’s Twitter audit finds 80% of users are mindless drones
  • Bette Midler advises blind people to “try seeing”
  • FDA suggests formula-deprived babies simply “eat cake”
  • CNN sends Alito fruit baskets for boosting ratings out of gutter
  • CNN+ and Netflix found in discount bin at Goodwill
  • Twitter relieved as billionaires save it from takeover by other billionaire
  • Citizens observe Tax Day with traditional offerings to god of roads

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Fear grips Federal Reserve as ink supply dries up

Records show Rand Paul is sole senator to have passed economics

Panicked aliens unable to leave Earth “hellhole” due to gas prices

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