Marlboro offers free cigarettes to vaccinated customers

PC: Molly Schoneveld on flickr.com

After health product competitor Krispy Kreme began giving away a free doughnut to vaccinated customers, Marlboro has followed suit and is handing out one free pack of smokes to anyone with a verified vax card.

Since the release of the COVID-19 vaccine, retailers have been helping to encourage Americans to accept it by providing freebies to customers who present proof of vaccination. Many of these businesses have been fast food proprietors, long known for their devotion to public health. So it came as little surprise that cigarette manufacturers would quickly follow suit and donate their products in support of the cause.

Although much is still unknown about COVID-19, and controversies have raged over its proper prevention and treatment, obesity and smoking have proven to be the two most effective control measures thus far. As a result, other companies considering taking similar action include video game makers, sofa manufacturers, and crack dealers. 

“Anything to get people off their feet, eating fat, and breathing anything except air should be encouraged,” said one Philip Morris executive. “We’re just glad to do our part.”  

No doctors could be reached for comment, as they have mysteriously seen an uptick in cases since the inception of these giveaway programs. However, several of them have publicly rolled their eyes and groaned in what can only be interpreted as approval and gratitude. 

Update: Krispy Kreme is now handing out two free doughnuts. No word yet on whether Marlboro will attempt to compete by upping their offer to two cigarette packs, but most crack dealers we interviewed say they have no intention of giving away any more crack.