Clinton undergoes salon Teflon spray to prep for scandal season

PC: 羽諾 YUNO on Flickr

Engaging in a ritual available to only the most privileged politicians, Hillary Clinton was recently spotted at the salon getting a new layer of Teflon spray to ready herself for another round of scandals. 

Sources note that upon receiving a phone call from her indicted former lawyer, Michael Sussman, Clinton curtly demanded “an extra-thick coat.” Witnesses claim that she requested the “Cuomo treatment,” but warned them “not to skimp this time.” 

Clinton is reportedly readying herself for the continuing Durham Probe, which has unearthed inconvenient information that would stick to a normal person without access to such large amounts of Teflon. Sources say she is not overly concerned about any real consequences, due to her costly treatments, but she evidently wants to make sure she has a little extra protection this time. 

Media coverage of the information has thus far been sparse, a fact which Clinton reportedly credits to her continuing salon procedures.