After failing to secure a takeover of Twitter (followed by attempts at Instagram, TikTok, and finally Myspace), Elon Musk has moved on to negotiations with local supermarkets to purchase their community bulletin boards.
Reportedly, Musk has offered the generous price of $420 per board (which some business proprietors have pointed out seems both random and unnecessarily high for a framed piece of cork).
The offer has resulted in some blowback, as Musk has made clear that he will permit Post-it notes from absolutely anyone, including those MLM representatives who promise you a six-figure salary for selling adorable pet rocks from your basement. (This was predominantly a problem in Utah.)
At press time, Musk had no comment on how many boards he had secured, but grocery shoppers from several towns have verified to our reporters that they have seen an uptick in MLM offers from people they haven’t seen since high school, indicating that some buyouts have already occurred.