Citizens observe Tax Day with traditional offerings to god of roads

PC: Liz West on Flickr

At holy post office sites across the United States, citizens spent this April 18th giving their yearly tithes to the IRS, also known to worshipers as the god of roads and all other hallowed infrastructure. 

The ceremonies were joyous events, with taxpayers gratefully paying their price to live in a civilized society. Postal workers were even cheerier than usual, and revelers enjoyed time with their neighbors as they waited for hours in line for their yearly pilgrimage. 

The festivities carried on long into the evening, as government contractors such as Raytheon set off celebratory bombs that had been funded by the yearly donations. Pfizer and Moderna also got into the spirit by handing out samples of opioids and morning sickness prevention pills. 

The IRS reported an exceptionally good turnout this year, as numerous people who received free checks in the mail earlier in the year now had the privilege of paying more at the end, and many people just came to enjoy the merry spectacle.

“We didn’t even pay anything this year,” noted one exuberant reveler. “We just came down to watch all the other people paying their fair share to us. Of course we would never take anything from other people at gunpoint, so we’re here to thank the IRS for doing it for us.”