Records show Rand Paul is sole senator to have passed economics

PC: Gage Skidmore on Flickr

In another embarrassing disclosure for the U.S. Senate, school records obtained by Project Veritas confirm what many have long suspected–that the majority of members failed basic economics in high school (and college and grad school).

Revealed to be the lone member to have successfully completed the class, Paul attempted to share his wisdom with his colleagues. Unfortunately, most of them condemned his accurate math work as “racist” and “heartless.”

Paul endeavored to explain why printing and borrowing endless amounts of money would ultimately harm all concerned, but fellow senators either sought to poke holes in his logic or simply threw (worthless) bricks of money in an attempt to injure him. 

Having survived a more severe attack from one of his neighbors than any spineless politician could ever carry out, Paul simply brushed off his shoulders and kept talking. However, sources say that one stack of cash did mess up his beautiful curly golden hair, and he was later taken to the Capitol salon to ensure that this national treasure was protected.