Fear grips Federal Reserve as ink supply dries up

PC: Tracy O on Flickr

As supply chain issues continue to plague the country, it seems that the crisis has finally reached Big Ink. Once seen as endless spigots, the ink industry heavy hitters have now admitted that they will not be able to provide enough toner cartridges to print the eleventy bazillion dollars the Federal Reserve has requested this month.

Over the course of the pandemic, the Federal Reserve has been seen as a hero, ordering fresh piles of cash to hand out to citizens forbidden to work. Often known as “the happiest place on earth,” the Reserve has a reputation for single-handedly fixing any and all economic problems.

But behind the scenes, the truth is much darker. Although the Reserve merely has to add zeros to their request forms, the Bureau of Engraving and Printing (BEP) has to actually get the money printed. And despite working all national holidays and even Rescue Dog Day, the BEP has evidently struggled to keep up. Reports of terrible working conditions and long hours have  leaked to the press, and it seems that with the national ink shortage, the system may finally collapse.

Speaking to protesters outside the bank, Reserve spokespeople insisted that they were up to the challenge and would have more money printed in time for the next routine stimulus check.

“We are working hard to ensure that nothing gets in the way of inflation,” said one anonymous Reserve source to our reporter on the scene. “Since 1913, we have remained committed to controlling the financial futures of US. citizens, and we will work through the ink issue just like we did the Great Paper Shortage of 2008.”