Realizing Any Movie Will Be Offensive, Hollywood Halts All Production

In a move they estimate has upset at least a dozen United States residents, all major movie studios have put out a joint statement that they will no longer be producing films. This decision apparently comes after they have spent a combined $4 billion on movies that they were never able to release, due to the content becoming politically incorrect between the times of shooting and completion.

“As the industry that has long provided the world’s moral compass, we regret to announce that we are no longer able to provide this service,” the statement reads. “Because of the very effectiveness of our efforts, each movie has rendered our viewers too increasingly offended to tolerate the next one we make. Simply put, we cannot keep up with our own success.”

Former film lovers are expressing little surprise at the decision, and most plainly feel this step is in fact long overdue. Of the numerous people polled, 96% said they would prefer to watch paint dry than attend a movie. This fact was seemingly corroborated by the fact that we were forced to conduct the poll at a grocery store, after we were unable to find any patrons at the theaters themselves (although we did interview the large group of protesters outside). Ticket sales have declined steeply as awareness levels have risen, and it seems that America is just generally ready to bid farewell to entertainment.