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“Libertarian Monopoly” bout erupts in violence over property rights dispute

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“Libertarian Monopoly” bout erupts in violence over property rights dispute

It was predicted to be just another game night with friends, but this week’s tournament participants rapidly came to blows when one couple unwisely brought Libertarian Monopoly as their contribution. In a tragedy that they say in retrospect “could probably have been predicted,” the women of the two formerly friendly couples say their relationship has been damaged beyond repair by the fallout from one very brief competition.

Sam and Jill Stewart say they expected a pleasant evening with their new neighbors, Ron and Beryl Bundy. Given that they’d already had one successful game night, it seemed like the most likely outcome. “We played Battleship,” comments Sam wistfully. “I suppose I should have seen the warning when Beryl kept worrying that our ships were in the previously agreed private Bundy water. She wanted to run tooth floss between all the little bumps to divide up personal waterways. The game ended due to an ‘accidental’ break of the last floss piece, which obviously resulted in a little tension.”

“I kinda liked that part,” admitted an abashed Jill.

“We thought this time we’d go with something simple, yet unnecessarily contentious, like a Libertarian Monopoly marathon. But the first time Beryl was sent to jail, she became very combative and demanded to know if she were ‘being detained.’ To calm her, we fished out a “Get Out of Jail Free” card and handed it to her, whereupon she informed us that she was just two days away from tunneling out anyway. 

After the tense beginning, Sam strove for harmony through a half-hearted performance intended to provide more equity in game outcome. Unfortunately, this gave Beryl the first shot at owning Park Place, which was clearly her intended prize from the first roll of the dice.

Upon gaining ownership of her dream estate, Beryl was understandably determined to keep trespassers off her new lawn. So when Jill attempted to travel through the square on her next turn (arrogantly claiming that Monopoly rules required the easement), Beryl sent her dog playing piece to bite Jill’s rocking horse, after which Jill and Beryl themselves resorted to self-defensive fisticuffs.

As the unpleasantness escalated, Sam and Ron looked at each with a knowing sadness in their eyes (and empty space in their mugs), nodded subtly to each other, then crept to the rec room for a few beers. ‘Twas then that Republican Ron and Democrat Sam realized that their ideological differences would never get in the way of their friendship. Unfortunately, their wives also realized something that day: Libertarians can never play nicely with other Libertarians.