Independent, Self-Thinking 99% of Musical Artists Pat Each Other on Backs for Signing Abortion Petition

In yet another move sure to get them blacklisted from the rabidly pro-life entertainment industry, courageous musicians have joined in signing a mission statement defening abortion. 

It remains to be seen if these brave artists will still have careers come Monday, considering that there are 2 (or possibly even 3) pro-life people in the high ranks of Hollywood. But these people don’t do what they do for the fame, the fortune, or the amusingly misguided sense of moral superiority.

They do it because they know it’s their job as famous people to explain biology to the less-advantaged. 

One well-known singer (whose agent begged that she not be named, “because of the little misspeaking incident last time) said the following: “I just feel like everyone should control their own body. Like, if I want to inject my heart with lethal drugs, I should be able to do it. If I want to dismember myself, I have that right. I mean, I don’t know why anybody would want to do anything so disgusting and painful to herself, but that’s her choice. And that’s totally what we’re talking about here. Women’s own bodies.”

As her agent frantically tried to steer her client away from our reporter, the singer continued, “We also need to save the whales. Because they don’t have any choice about being killed. And they’re REAL living things. Not like the clumps of cells growing in pregnant people. And stuff.”

Our reporter states that the singer continued her diatribe for a few more minutes, but her agent inexplicably began using an air horn to cover everything she said, and therefore none of it was able to be captured for print.