Joe Biden in Hot Water for Inappropriately Being Old White Male

With the rising stars of the Democratic Party showing by their mere existence that young women of color are the rightful heirs to the throne, Joe Biden has callously continued to try to have a political career. Despite being older, paler, and maler than is acceptable, he apparently feels he has the right to run for office simply because the Constitution allows it. 

Fortunately, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has faced this awkward situation before and knows how to properly railroad a candidate that they deem unacceptable. Sources say that Debbie Wasserman Schultz is set to once again take her rightful seat as Chairperson and will clean up “this little mess” immediately. 

Asked about her opinion on the situation that has put her closer to the front of the line, Senator Kamala Harris explains simply, “If you are fortunate to have opportunity, it is your duty to make sure other people have those opportunities as well. So I feel that I’m doing my part by getting unpopular contenders out of the way so that the people who can benefit me personally get their opportunity to do so.” 

Note: Our reporter asked fellow contender Bernie Sanders how he felt about the news, but he was quickly reminded by Kamala that he was even older and whiter than Biden and therefore was not entitled to an opinion. We can only hope that the same people who mercilessly ruin Biden will also successfully end Sanders’ career.