Alabama Moves Across Country to Escape CNN’s Georgia Headquarters

After years of butting heads with Georgia over CNN’s “insufferable” behavior, Alabama has abruptly packed its belongings and left the area. The news network itself made reference to the move in an unrelated report, but adeptly avoided making any comment directly addressing the subject.

Difficulties between CNN and Alabama have been on the rise for quite some time, but insiders claim that the network was disappointed that Alabama would actually leave the vicinity “just due to a slew of inflammatory, misleading stories.”  The CNN sources won’t specify which of their stories were disingenuous enough to cause a whole state to flee, but do note that their coverage of the recent abortion debate in particular was “probably 90% nonsense.” 

With Alabama out of the neighborhood, Mississippi now finds itself CNN’s closest western neighbor, and trouble already seems to be brewing. Sources say Mississippi was none too happy with the coverage of their gubernatorial race, as CNN seemingly mocked male candidates for declining to be alone with female reporters just because they didn’t like being accused of sexual assault. 

Time will tell if Mississippi follows Alabama’s lead and simply leaves the area to avoid further unpleasantness, but several citizens have said they would prefer to remain in the area as long as Anderson Cooper agrees to stay.