In Clever Gun Deal, Biden proposes just banning magazines that hold any bullets

After a decades-long struggle to come to an agreement, both sides of the gun debate may finally have a deal that makes sense to everyone. It was brokered by none other than Joe Biden, and the cleverness of the plan has people of both political parties raving that it may revitalize his flagging campaign.

Noting that “high-capacity multi-round magazine clip thingies” are the one characteristic that all mass shootings have in common, Biden has been slowly negotiating an acceptable capacity number with gun lovers. The first few weeks of the discussions went poorly, with gun nuts demanding that firearms capable of shooting multiple rounds without even reloading should remain legal. But it seems that over time, patient Uncle Joe was able to deftly talk conservatives into willingly signing away more and more of what some once comically considered “rights.” 

In his final triumph yesterday, Biden successfully negotiated the number down to zero. Not surprisingly, Second Amendment supporters had gained enough “common sense” by this point to agree to pretty much anything, so they nodded robotically and embraced this settlement. It seems that all the government needs to sway public opinion to the proper side are endurance and a lethargic populace.