Fury over gender-fluid Barbie: “plastic is non-biodegradable”

Continuing to be a lightning rod for controversy, Mattel recently released yet another Barbie composed of environmentally-unfriendly plastic. 

And they admit sales have been negatively affected by their failure to go green.

“We noticed we were getting a lot of emails in the ‘angry’ inbox,” said an anonymous Mattel honcho. “And there really isn’t any other reason people would be upset by the new gender-neutral Barbie, so we know it’s concern for the environment that’s upsetting people. Of course, that has translated into lower sales.”

The Mattel VIP went on to explain that marketing polls conducted in the Mother Jones comment section indicated that consumers wanted more “woke” options.  

“We began with Angry Radical Feminist Barbie, who actually screamed at the sky when you said Mike Pence’s name within doll earshot. Then we progressed to Unflattering Depiction of White Male Ken, who was based on a conglomeration of the most irritating conservative men. Mostly Fox news pundits.

“But against all comment section predictions, these failed to sell. So we are going to have to bite the bullet and stop manufacturing cheap, environmentally destructive products.” 

She (or he) mused at the conclusion of the interview, “It’s weird that the classic princess and ballerina Barbies are continuing to sell like hotcakes. But we feel confident that keyboard activists know better than kids what the kids want.”

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