In their ongoing effort to prove themselves the most forward-thinking sports league, the NBA has abandoned the oppressive U.S. national anthem and replaced it with that of the People’s Totally Democratic and Super Liberated Republic of China, a country known for its more progressive humanitarian views.
“Completely of his own free will and with no monetary incentive, one of our more obedient underlings expressed concern that we were not worshiping our financial lord and master devoutly enough,” explained commissioner Adam Silver. “The NBA has always valued freedom of expression among our people, provided it is politically and financially convenient for us, so we were eager to support his suggestion to make a few changes.”
Asked what other differences fans might be seeing, Silver explained that the league didn’t want to go overboard and would keep it subtle. “Other than the Chinese flag and Xi Jinping mural, not much will be noticeable. We already have all our gear and apparel made by Chinese child laborers, so it wasn’t much effort to just sell what little of our souls were remaining to their government.”