SpongeBob SquarePants, once considered a shoe-in for Bikini Bottom Prime Minister, is doing damage control after pictures surfaced showing him in a white sheet at a Halloween party. The embattled sponge has been caught in similarly compromising photographs in the past, and he even admits that he doesn’t know how many more of the offensive photos might be floating around.
These incidents mark just the latest embarrassing revelations for the formerly popular SquarePants, whose campaign has already been riddled with accusations of racism, violence, pollution, and even colonization.
Some have even taken to calling him the “Undersea Dora the Explorer.”
A professor in the anthropology department at University of Washington (which is coincidentally the site of a current study on the effects of massive doses of LSD) was the first to raise concerns about the candidate’s history. In a research paper complete with helpful crayon drawings and colorful stickers, Holly M. Barker eloquently laid out her case against the prospective Prime Minister, explaining how his seemingly cheerful facade was in fact a cover for a ruthless tyrant.
“Mr. SquarePants seems to think we are living in a cartoon, but this is very real” insisted Barker at what was apparently supposed to be a rally, but actually just involved her shouting into a mirror. “My ancestors came here looking for a better life, but they were instead victims of horrible mutations caused by toxins in over-processed food, much of which was created by none other than Mr. SpongeBob SquarePants. He came here pretending to be a friend to our environment and community, living in a supposedly sustainable pineapple house and preserving endangered jellyfish. But his true colors are now apparent.
“And they aren’t white,” Barker concluded sarcastically.