NBA supports all free speech “as long as Coach Jinping approves”

Always eager to prove their dedication to freedom of expression, the National Basketball Association (NBA) has come out in support of some controversial comments made by player LeBron James. 

“I am aware that some people have taken issue with my recent speech decrying Daryl Morey’s criticism of China” assured James, who conducted the press conference from his guest mansion on the grounds of Chinese President (and surprise new San Antonio Spurs coach) Xi Jinping’s palace. “But I feel it is important that people fight for freedom on their own time, not on mine.”

James went on to explain that ill-timed comments from others in the NBA had jeopardized his earnings and even his emotional well-being. “When you’re not thinking about others,” he said, wiping his eyes with $100 bills,  “when you only think about yourself, so many people can be harmed. Not only financially but physically, emotionally, spiritually. 

“Coach Jinping has been crying in his palace bathroom all day,” James continued in obvious emotion. “And I had to stop payment on the Vermont Teddy Bear I ordered myself for Christmas, my finances are in such jeopardy.”