Weinstein’s guards remove cell cameras “for routine maintenance”

By Luisa Pisani - Luisa Pisani, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=11848208

Despite the egregious nature of his crimes, fallen Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein is still entitled to humane treatment in prison. And witnesses say guards at his new concrete home have already begun upgrading his cell to acceptable condition, taking surveillance cameras for repairs and emptying out nearby cells to ensure he has adequate privacy. 

A jury has found Weinstein guilty of “normal Hollywood stuff,” meaning that he will be imprisoned until his colleagues in the industry petition to have him released to accept his next Academy Award. But in light of the flops he has released lately, friends worry he may have to stay in prison for an extended period of time, and they are reportedly pressuring facility staff to quickly finish the improvements that are currently underway.

Several Hollywood power players–as well as anonymous politicians and dignitaries–have reportedly been seen “donating” cash to Weinstein’s guards in exchange for promises of the enhanced maintenance and privacy, but the prison staff has vehemently denied that Weinstein is being given special treatment. In fact, one staffer scoffed at the notion and blurted out that Weinstein “wouldn’t even live to see tomorrow,” before inexplicably being muzzled by his fellow guards and taken to an undisclosed location.

Fortunately for that anonymous employee, the mysterious location reportedly also has enhanced privacy and cameras being improved by routine repairs, so he is presumed to be in good, strong hands.