Celebrities try to “imagine no possessions,” but really just can’t

By BenSherman - Own work, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3731406

In their ongoing efforts to be helpful to their peasant fans, wealthy celebrities took to social media to sing the beloved ditty Imagine, millionaire John Lennon’s ode to the glories of poverty.

“Imagine no possessions,” began the Armani-clad heroes, singing to the maids polishing their iPhone cameras. 

“I wonder if you can,” they continued to laid-off workers pawning their meager assets. 

“No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man” they crooned to the homeless scavenging for food in their trash cans. 

“Nothing to kill or die for,” they caroled outside Planned Parenthood, where they killed their own offspring for more lucrative careers.

“No religion too,” they sang to the unfortunate people whose beliefs aren’t en vogue in Hollywood this year.

And as they locked themselves in $15 million mansions with armed guards protecting their prized worldly belongings, they tenderly finished,

“Imagine all the people sharing all the world.”

Touching words indeed, from the role models who know best.

Editor’s Note: Some celebrities have apologized for their tone-deaf use of this song, particularly under the current circumstances. They acknowledge that the terms “brotherhood” and “man” are inappropriate in a modern civilization, and they have agreed to donate proceeds from their performance to Berkeley’s Partnership for a Gender-Free Society.