Witness confirms Congress members cast no reflection in mirror

By Bjoertvedt - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=5433974

Immediately after Congress passed the recent “stimulus” bill to drain the American public dry (purportedly in a bizarre attempt to revive them), a press member said she happened upon an unusually rosy-cheeked group of congresswomen in the ladies’ room and intended to ask for a statement on the happenings of the day.

But what she saw–or didn’t see–prompted her instead to pull her turtleneck higher and flee the room.

“I saw nobody in that bathroom mirror but myself,” she explained. “There were five or six legislators in there with me, but all I saw in the mirror were the solid gold stall doors and marble toilet paper dispensers they installed with the money from the last stimulus bill.

“Of course I’d heard for years that most congresspersons sold their souls and feasted on the blood of peasant children,” she explained, “but until today, I’d never seen any real proof.

“This story is totally going to make my career. It was like seeing Bigfoot, only scarier… but also I guess not quite as surprising.”