CNN reveals Trump failed to prevent dinosaur extinction, other disasters

By Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America - Donald Trump, CC BY-SA 2.0,

In yet another blunder in his lengthy list of missteps, President Donald Trump now stands accused of neglecting to avoid whatever catastrophe rendered the dinosaurs extinct. And according to CNN, he has adamantly refused to take responsibility for not only this, but also for other calamities–be they natural or man-made–simply because they occurred through no fault of his own (and often before he was even born).

“Trump has caused more death and hardship than anybody since literally Hitler,” proclaimed House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, from the streets of whatever crowded parade she was holding this week to protest Trump’s racially motivated social distancing measures. “And instead of accepting responsibility for these events, he blames Mother Nature for natural cataclysms and people for their own crimes.

“He attributed the fires in Australia to the arsonists who set them, instead of to his lack of mandated solar panels, for Pete’s sake,” Pelosi continued, between bites of medium-rare fried bat. “He then went on to further encourage discrimination by halting travel from China, then retroactively killed U.S. citizens with the novel coronavirus by not having halted travel from China quickly enough.”

“It’s like he can’t control everything,” Pelosi raged on, “and when he does control it, he’s being too… controlling, you know? Like an evil, tyrannical genius, but really stupid and helpless. Like I told you all, he is totally unqualified for this job.

“And as long as he’s president, people in the world will suffer and die.”

Editor’s Note: Snopes has fact-checked Pelosi’s final statement in this article and found it to be 100% true, which clearly does not bode well for Trump’s reelection. Fortunately for him, the same can be said of any other candidate, but we’ll see if voters figure that out.