Lunatic Trump suggests injecting magical “antibiotics” to kill invisible “bacteria”

By NIAID - E. coli Bacteria, CC BY 2.0,

Hot on the heels of his bizarre proposal to inject virus-killing agents into virus-infected patients, President Donald Trump has moved on to another idea straight out of a B-grade science fiction film: the use of substances he calls “antibiotics” to kill tiny “bacteria,” which he claims are also causing illness.

After a shocking press conference in which he made baseless claims that taking so-called “antiviral” substances internally could cure diseases such as COVID-19 (which are obviously cured only by a bleeding regimen and the smoke of the chicory root), he continued his crusade by blaming imaginary little alien beings called bacteria for other common maladies such as meningitis and pneumonia. And once again, he proposed that these tiny creatures could be eliminated by shots of supernatural elixirs such as “penicillin.”

Before his press handlers could stop him, he proceeded to advise that people with diabetes suffered from lack of kidney function and should have their blood cleansed through a (clearly impossible) procedure called dialysis. And only after he began ranting about using “ultraviolet C irradiation” and “photodynamic therapy” to eliminate bodily infection did his crew manage to wrestle him to the ground and carry him off the stage.

Only time will tell if this heresy will end his presidency, but his family says they just hope he won’t be burned at the stake for questioning the time-proven methods of the Dark Ages obviously embraced by the media and the public.