CNN nabs Best Fictional News Series award for third consecutive year

Chis Coons on Flickr

In the tightest race for the award to date, CNN edged out Fox News and MSNBC to win the prize for Best Fictional News Series. The judges were reportedly so indecisive that Fox and MSNBC both submitted further examples of their utter lack of journalistic integrity, hoping to win them over in an eleventh-hour decision, but both networks failed to unseat the champion of made-up nonsense from the preceding two years.

“It has been a successful year for fictional news programming in general, so the tight race was no surprise,” explained an anonymous judge. “When you’re blessed with simultaneous tragedies like the pandemic and the Ukranian war before the end of January, you know everyone is really going to be a winner.

“Of course, we can only have one winner, at least until we successfully outlaw all prizes except participation trophies,” he continued. “So we had to go with the most consistently unethical and inaccurate network.”

Asked if he thought any other source would ever beat CNN again in the future, the judge expressed optimism. 

“Other networks have made remarkable progress in the recent years, especially with ABC passing off Kentucky gun range footage as a Syrian war. Those outlets may need to up their game to come out on top, but I think next year might see a surprise winner if CNN doesn’t get a Cuomo–ANY Cuomo–back on their payroll.”