Warner Bros. to Fudd and Sam: “Nobody is taking your guns”

After police executed a no-knock “red flag” raid and confiscated the firearms of Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam, the Warner Brothers executives who had requested the action reassured their two employees that “nobody is taking your guns, and you’re starting to sound crazy making wild accusations like that.”

Although footage of the incident clearly showed officers using professional wrestling moves such as the flying lariat and the Stink Face to forcefully commandeer the firearms, Warner Brothers clarified that giving up the weapons had been completely voluntary and the incident had been “peaceful.” Some paranoid viewers accused the executives of using gaslighting techniques and newspeak, but Warner Brothers released a reassuring statement that the very notions of newspeak and gaslighting are themselves “just crazy conspiracy theories.”

It has been an embarrassing few years for gun enthusiasts, as they have continued to make clearly baseless claims that the government is infringing on their 2nd Amendment “rights.” And after seeing law enforcement simply upholding common-sense gun control in the Fudd/Sam case, they have once again professed that their mythical “liberty” is under attack.

“Mr. Fudd and Mr. Sam will no longer be able to provide food for their families if they are unable to hunt,” asserted the plaintiffs’ attorney, who was probably high on some redneck drug like meth. “And the very scenario that took place this morning illustrates the need for citizens to be able to defend themselves against a tyrannical government or other intruders.”

Attorneys for Warner Brothers countered that if people wanted meat, they could just buy it at the grocery store so no animals had to die to make it. They also disputed the antiquated constitutional notions of an overbearing government, the right to self defense, and the freedom to be secure in one’s home. 

“I think any normal person realizes the Constitution was written for a different time and is obsolete now,” chuckled one attorney.