After critics accused NBC of targeting only conservative events as “danger zones” for COVID-19 transmission, the news outlet explained that the reason for their stance was not political, but strictly scientific.
“COVID-19 does not spread at gatherings of left-leaning individuals,” clarified a specialist paid by NBC to do a completely unbiased and independent study. “The transmission rate at Trump rallies has been found to be catastrophic, with most attendees not even leaving the events alive. In contrast, any upcoming rallies for Joe Biden or other Democratic candidates or causes should be seen as safe.”
“In fact,” he concluded as an NBC executive slipped a large wad of cash into his pocket, “you are more likely to contract COVID-19 while in total isolation than you are at a DNC-sponsored event.”
Although several doctors have raised concerns about the veracity of these findings, they have conveniently disappeared, and the DNC recommends that nobody look for their bodies or “make any other foolish moves.” Until such time as they can be located and interviewed, which NBC assures us is “about as likely as Jeffery Epstein showing up for an interview,” the public is urged to accept NBC’s statement without question and attend the nearest Biden campaign rally, “for their own safety.”