After conducting an exhaustive study of your social media interactions (made possible by a partnership with the National Security Administration), Harvard University has concluded that exactly zero of your friends have altered their opinions as a result of your powerful arguments.
“We were shocked,” confessed one researcher. “As a responsible citizen, you have selflessly donated hours per day to online diatribes about issues that nobody else understands as well as you do. But the results of this study indicate that your time could have been better used for activities as seemingly useless as interacting with your family, or even volunteering at homeless shelters.”
Most shockingly, the study also found that on a scale of “extremely pleasant” to “nearly insufferable,” your friends now rate you as “completely intolerable” (a write-in option that we did not even believe necessary to offer).
The research also indicated that 100% of them found you to be smug, self-righteous, and not nearly as smart as you think you are, with 99% of those admitting they are only still Facebook friends with you because you “post good salsa recipes,” and the other 1% unable to figure out how to unfriend on the new Facebook format.