After Tyson donation, Cuomo amends “substantive” definition to include all chicken products

PC: stu_spivack

Shortly after insisting that chicken wings did not count as a “substantive” enough meal to allow patrons to order alcohol at bars, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo abruptly reversed his position and put all forms of chicken on the list of approved foods. 

Although critics noted that the timing coincided with a large campaign donation from poultry industry giant Tyson Foods, Cuomo insisted that his change of heart did not result from any inappropriate bribery. He clarified that he simply realized he had made a mistake after eating “Tyson’s surprisingly filling, juicy chicken wings.”

Wearing a Tyson hat and t-shirt, Cuomo went on to say that he would be willing to add other finger foods to his allowed list if the company heads could make a case for their “substantiveness.” 

“We’ve been asked if sides such as french fries could be approved,” Cuomo continued, enthusiastically munching on Tyson’s new and improved Grilled and Ready Chicken, which he noted “came out of the oven tasting like homemade.”

He finished pointedly, “But I’m just waiting to see if the folks at Ore-Ida can convince me they deserve to be included.”