In his first press conference since discovering that presidents are supposed to hold press conferences, President Joe Biden faced an expected barrage of tough questions from hostile reporters.
Avoiding softball topics like the terrible economy, journalists went straight for the jugular and demanded information on issues that would have rattled a less sturdy statesman. But Biden deftly lobbed back ball after ball, answering questions that nobody had even asked and skillfully deflecting the ones they did.
A representative from MSNBC began the veritable verbal assault by demanding to know how Biden “got [his] hair to look so stunning today,” which prompted poor Biden to giggle like a schoolgirl and to demand that his privacy be respected.
MSNBC’s ace reporter was quickly followed by an even more fierce one from Teen Vogue, who wondered what Biden was doing to advance the important cause of bringing more abortion support into the mandatory sex education curriculum. Biden declined to comment on the query, but he did promise to remove both school choice and disclosures from parents, as well as to expand the relationship between Planned Parenthood and public schools.
(It should be noted that at this point, the press did finally let up and give him a standing ovation, but it clearly wasn’t as loud or enthusiastic as was deserved.)
The conference continued to bring savage lines of questioning about his preferred brand of ice cream, favorite day of the week, and why he likes puppies, and after a rigorous hour, Biden was forced to end the meeting entirely.