King Macron XVI “flattered” by promise of visit by French peasants

Anonyme. Versailles, ch‚teaux de Versailles et de Trianon. MV5517.

After passing his enormously popular vaccine passport mandate, France’s King Macron says he is “pleased and flattered” to hear of a planned social call to his Élysée palace by millions of grateful French citizens. 

Amidst Bastille Day festivities, during which French citizens celebrate their refusal to take crap from their terrible rulers, Macron passed a much-needed law requiring that his subjects provide proof of COVID vaccination in order to enter restaurants, hospitals, and other luxury destinations. And in typical French fashion, citizens are showing their support by traveling en masse to personally voice their appreciation to their benevolent overlord.

“I’ve been overwhelmed by the positive response,” Macron told our reporter, while averting his eyes from the television blaring news of riots and fires. “Millions of my people have promised to ‘storm’ the palace, which I can only assume is peasant language for coming to a celebratory brunch.” 

Editor’s note: This interview was unfortunately cut short, after Macron was hit in the head by a stale croissant thrown at him by his adoring cook. After he regains consciousness, we will continue our discussion and provide updates on the upcoming peasant revelry.