Basement-Dwelling “Sedentary Warriors” Poised to Save World

A recent study has concluded what progressive gamers have long known: exhaling excess carbon dioxide is the primary cause of the recent...

Religious Conservatives Benevolently Stop Praying for California to Fall Into Ocean

In a move that many have deemed surprisingly progressive, conservatives have banded together to send thoughts and prayers to spare California from...

Republican Caucus Aims to Make Them “Less Unlikable”

According to a self-declared reliable inside source, a large group of Congressional Republicans have secretly formed a new caucus within GOP ranks,...

Realizing Any Movie Will Be Offensive, Hollywood Halts All Production

In a move they estimate has upset at least a dozen United States residents, all major movie studios have put out a...

Bible Study Class Revealed As Front for Crime Ring

An intended pleasant surprise has unearthed scandal in a previously respected women’s Bible study group.   A prominent church in...

Commission to Implement Price Controls on Starbucks

After desperate pleas from caffeine-deprived citizens, politicians on both sides of the aisle have promised to intervene in the catastrophic price hikes...

Real Housewives of D.C. Casts Melania Trump

Years after the cancellation that shocked all six loyal viewers of the show, The Real Housewives of D.C. has been rebooted with...

Trump Vows Fiscal Responsibility “Right After the Next Holiday”

Citing frustration with Democrats’ overspending, President Donald Trump has called for a return to the fiscal responsibility on which the GOP prides...

Obama Sues Trump for Plagiarizing Immigration Policies

In an already scandal-ridden presidency, the Trump administration has been hit with yet another blow. To the surprise of everybody who has...