Poll: 47% of US supports abolishing Constitution; other 53% unaware US...

Asked whether the Constitution of the United States should remain the law of the land or should be expunged, nearly half of...

After Tyson donation, Cuomo amends “substantive” definition to include all chicken...

Shortly after insisting that chicken wings did not count as a “substantive” enough meal to allow patrons to order alcohol at bars,...

Poll finds 0% of your friends have changed opinions due to...

After conducting an exhaustive study of your social media interactions (made possible by a partnership with the National Security Administration), Harvard University...

Goya CEO unharmed after protesters hurl bricks of money at company...

After several days of aerial and ground attacks, Goya CEO Bob Unanue and employees are still reported to be “miraculously” unharmed by...

Study confirms voting Republican greatly increases COVID-19 risk

CNN’s guest medical experts just completed the most scientific investigation to date on COVID-19 risk factors, and they found that, as expected,...

NBC’s unbiased experts say COVID only spreads at conservative rallies

After critics accused NBC of targeting only conservative events as “danger zones” for COVID-19 transmission, the news outlet explained that the reason...

Warner Bros. to Fudd and Sam: “Nobody is taking your guns”

After police executed a no-knock “red flag” raid and confiscated the firearms of Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam, the Warner Brothers executives...

Paw Patrol officer’s lurid history includes public urination, leg molestation

As more reports of police misconduct have come to light, investigative journalists at MSNBC have unearthed possibly the worst offender to feature...

CNN nabs Best Fictional News Series award for third consecutive year

In the tightest race for the award to date, CNN edged out Fox News and MSNBC to win the prize for Best...

Shutdown extended until populace can be retrained to put on pants

After a debate over lifting shutdown measures nearly resulted in a civil war, the two sides suddenly reached a surprising agreement to...