Buttigieg advises poor people to “just ride in their palanquins” to...

Like his colleague Jen Psaki before him, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has continually expressed his desire to help the most impoverished Americans...

Patricia Arquette demands Russia be booted from Galactic Republic

In an effort to sanction Vladimir Putin into more appropriate behavior, foreign policy expert Patricia Arquette has insisted that Russia be banned...

Biden inadvertently grabs wrong paper, reads Trump’s 2020 SOTU

In his latest endearing gaffe, President Joe Biden accidentally gave former president Donald Trump’s 2019 State of the Union Address, instead of...

Kerry urges Putin to consider solar-powered nukes

Dedicated environmentalist John Kerry has confirmed that he recently flew his private jet to Russia to plead with Vladimir Putin to consider...

Xi consults Joy Behar regarding invasion schedule

After colleague Vladimir Putin incurred the annoyance of The View co-host Joy Behar by invading Ukraine during her planned vacation to Europe,...

CBS reports that Ukraine crisis motivated Cain’s killing of Abel

In a bombshell report, NBC has revealed that the first known murder in humankind was the result of the current dispute between...

Crazed Ottowa protester throws herself under police horse hooves

In the latest in a series of bizarre actions on the part of Canada’s Freedom Convoy protesters, an elderly woman rushed a...

Clinton undergoes salon Teflon spray to prep for scandal season

Engaging in a ritual available to only the most privileged politicians, Hillary Clinton was recently spotted at the salon getting a new...

Truckers confess to simply being “mad they can’t date” Trudeau

After struggling to fight off the obvious sexual advances of the obsessed Freedom Convoy participants, a frustrated Justin Trudeau finally addressed his...

Trudeau seizes convoy bouncy houses after discovering they fail building code

After advocating tirelessly for the safety of his subjects during the violent “Freedom Convoy,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau faced yet another challenge...