CNN reveals Trump failed to prevent dinosaur extinction, other disasters

In yet another blunder in his lengthy list of missteps, President Donald Trump now stands accused of neglecting to avoid whatever catastrophe...

Joe Exotic’s lions’ den seized by FBI to imprison religious worshipers

After repeatedly refusing to worship only the benevolent and almighty State, patrons of drive-in religious services have been sentenced to the standard...

Christians disguise church as abortion clinic to attend Easter services in...

After being told a mere religious holiday “that could just wait until next year” clearly did not qualify as a time-sensitive event,...

Witness confirms Congress members cast no reflection in mirror

Immediately after Congress passed the recent “stimulus” bill to drain the American public dry (purportedly in a bizarre attempt to revive them),...

Trump recklessly encourages Lysol use; millions die after injecting it

In yet another foolhardy attempt to assume the role of medical expert, President Trump took the unauthorized initiative to advise citizens to...

Pelosi demands free pony and bouncy castle in stimulus bill

After many citizens lost both their patience and their homes waiting for Congress to agree on a COVID-19 stimulus bill, struggling Americans...

Encouraging study shows toilet paper jokes finally on the decline

After an exponential increase in irritating quips about toilet paper hoarding, experts say cases appear to have peaked, and the meme situation...

Emergency task force to rename all diseases CNN suddenly deems offensive

While more backward world citizens worry about physical suffering and death caused by rampant illness, advanced thinkers at CNN are working to...

Celebrities try to “imagine no possessions,” but really just can’t

In their ongoing efforts to be helpful to their peasant fans, wealthy celebrities took to social media to sing the beloved ditty...

Panic ensues as Ft. Knox vault rumored to be out of...

Despite decades of reassurance to the contrary by government officials, conspiracy theorists are again claiming that the luxury toilet paper reserve supposedly...